THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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