Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
