Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Its about making memories worth repressing
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
