They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
