I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
