I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
be right there i have to get my cape
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
