i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
"it" just moved
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
