oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
