I love black thongs
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
