Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
