smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize