thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
