Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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