Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
