Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
