and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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