Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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