Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
