My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
