I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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