Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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