it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
