I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
