Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
