i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
