when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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