I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drake has all the answers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
