so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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