I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
