i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
