He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
