my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
