just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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