His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
