do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
