that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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