youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
