So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
