I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
