There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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