ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
