giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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