Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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