Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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