what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
