Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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