Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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