I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
