I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
