even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
