Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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