Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
