Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
