She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Is it penis luge time yet?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
