and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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