Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
