i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
